Sunday, August 31, 2008

We're all in the gutter.

He got up and stretched, which made all his muscles shift, t-shirt riding up to show a faint trickle of hair on his belly. I looked down at the frayed hem of my jeans because I just knew he was smiling at me. One of those smiles that made me want to touch the corners of his mouth.

And suddenly I got what the big deal was about kissing. How someone could suck on your bottom lip and make you come completely undone. That someone stroking the hair back from your face could make you swoon and someone sliding his hands underneath your top could make you feel wanted for the first time in your life.

She wanted to tell someone, "I am going to be a new person", and to have them answer, "Yes. Yes, of course you are."

Every once in a while you find ten dollars in your faded jeans and your hair falls into place.

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy, & you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be & who you want to spend it with.

I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.

And I flipped on the light switch and eyed myself in the mirror. I was pretty, I guess. I had long brown hair and bright blue eyes, full pink lips and a rosy complexion. I had designer bags and an off beat style you could only find in the fashion magazines. And I wondered if that was all people could see. If you looked deeper there was so much more to me. I had a story to tell. We all did. You just had to look deeper, and you had to ask. We just never took the time to.

I hate how people are always telling me, "everything will be fine, just be yourself" because then I find myself asking, "but what if I don't like who I am right now?"

She knew that medically-speaking, you couldn’t die because of an emotionally broken heart, but she also knew that you certainly couldn’t live with one.

When you need to be forgiven or forgotten, New York is the ideal place. Nobody cares if you stole licorice from the dollar store in seventh grade. It won’t phase your reputation when you’re nineteen. The man in the library who sees you looking at naughty books won’t gossip about you to his co workers. Your mother will never find out. In New York City you are permanently a face in the crowd. Your memory is washed off a stranger when they step into the shower that night. I needed New York.

There's one thing a quote does that nothing and no one else can do, it can become a part of you. You may never meet the person who said it but that person is now a companion. Quotes help you get over pain, feel love, make you smile and laugh, and help you through those days when you think no one else knows what you're going through.

People in France have a phrase: “spirit of the stairway”. In french: "spirit d’escalier". It means that moment when you find the answer but it’s too late. Say you’re at a party & someone insults you. You have to say something. So, under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party, as you start down the stairway -- magic! You come up with the perfect thing you should’ve said. The perfect crippling put-down.

When I say something he can’t quite hear, he says, “I’m sorry, sweetheart?” & the word sweetheart sounds so tender it soothes some raw part of me, & I find myself whispering so I can hear it again.

Kim & I got a lecture about behavior & how if we wanted boys to be gentlemen we should act like ladies, which was idiotic because we didn't want the boys to be gentlemen. We wanted them to think we were pretty & ask us to dance & hold our hands & maybe kiss us in the corner & then send us clever instant messages.

Why does it seem like there are always more girls than boys in these situations? Girls are always having to dance with each other, or they like the same boy, or they went out with the same boy. Just once I'd like to see a situation where there we too many boys.

He kissed me, then. Really put his arms around me & kissed me. It went through my body like he had flipped some electrical switch & lit me up. His skin was so warm, and he was suddenly so beautiful, & I thought, oh, so this is what all the hype is about.

There are some dreams that get stuck between your teeth when you sleep, so that when you open your mouth to yawn awake they fly right out of you.

Everyone has at least five dreams every night. That's like 30 billion dreams. One of them's gotta be about me.

-"Is she your girlfriend?"
-"But you want her to be?"
--"You're about this close to knowing pain you've never known before."

We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I thought I had it all figured out. I'd catch the fish only to throw it back in the sea. Because I wanted something until I could actually have it. And I'd run scared. But, it seems to me, that maybe, I want something and when I finally get it, I don't know what to do with it & I run confused.

For she had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything & moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another.

There's nothing like being with people you've known almost your entire life. Having a shared history is something you just can't create with the new ones.

Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other even though you don't know where you're going.

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