Sunday, November 30, 2008

It's a brain.

"Is that somebody's brain?" she asks. I look up at her, rolling her mouth and smiling down. I look at the map. It's not a brain, clearly; it's a map. Can't she see the rivers and highways and interchanges? But I see how it could look like a brain, like if all roads were twisted neurons, pulling your emotions from one place to another, bringing the city to life. A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It's the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine. "Yeah," I say, nodding up at her. "Yeah. That's exactly what it is. It's a brain."

No one is supposed to go through life that vulnerable.

“My first thought this morning was ‘I feel okay’. You know what I mean -- that moment before you remember who you are and what the actual facts of your life are? My first thought, in my gut, in my body, was ‘I feel okay’. I haven’t felt that in a long time. Usually, you know, I open my eyes and I already feel like shit. Like in my sleep I was feeling like shit, and waking up was just an extension of that, you know? But this morning, my first thought was ‘I feel okay’. As if my body wasn’t, you know, housing any more sadness.”
--Liz Tuccillo, 'How To Be Single'

“How do people do this?” she asked. “How do people keep putting themselves out there when they know they’re probably just going to get hurt? How can anyone deal with that much disappointment? It’s unnatural. We’re not supposed to go through life so exposed. That’s why people get married. Because no one is supposed to go through life that vulnerable. No one is supposed to be forced to meet so many strangers who end up making you feel bad!”
--Liz Tuccillo, 'How To Be Single'

I started thinking about my life, and about what is going on. And how I don't even know. How I have no idea what I should even be knowing at this point. I just know that maybe in a year or two, this will all clear up, and it will all make sense, and maybe even then the odds will be in my favor. Maybe I will have better luck, but for right now this is what I have. This is what life has given me, and I guess I just have to live. Just live.

When asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the most, she responded, “The person I hoped I’d be by this point in my life."

The whole wide world is mine.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”
--Apple Inc.

You can be weighed down by every single person in your life, but it takes one person, whether it be someone you’re with, not with, or even a complete stranger you’ve had your eye on, to lift you off your feet with one breath.

"I realize that if I wait until I am no longer afraid to write, act, speak, be, I'll be sending messages on a Ouija board, cryptic complaints from the other side."
--Audre Lorde

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots. The other is wings.”
--Hodding Carter Jr.

“Don’t tease me about my hobbies. I don’t tease you about being an asshole.”
--'Garden State'

“Fate is like a strange unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”
--Lemony Snicket

“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold ever-more wonders.”
--Andrew Harvey

"I love this part. When you look at someone and they don’t look away."
--'Brothers And Sisters'

"I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you play the stereo at maximum volume, it’s almost like other people can’t see into your vehicle. It tints your windows, somehow."
--Chuck Klosterman, 'Killing Yourself To Live'

“And everyday I wake I tell myself another harmless lie, the whole wide world is mine.”
--Angels and Airwaves

I don't know what to say.

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.

They are just words, and they may not make sense to you, but they are my own. They belong to me, they are what I feel. They come straight from my heart.

I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel -- like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too… but I’ll never know.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Survival Poem #17

Because this is what you do. Get up. Blame the liquor for the heaviness. Call in late to work, go to the couch because the bed is too empty. Watch people scream about love on Jerry Springer, count the ways it could be worse. It could be last week when the missing got so big you wrote him a letter and sent it. It could be yesterday, no work to go to, whole day looming. It could be last month or the month before, when you still thought maybe. Still carried plans around with you like talismans. You could have kissed him last night. Could have gone home with him, given in, cried after, softly, face to the wall, his heavy arm around you, hand on your stomach, rubbing. Shower. Remember your body. Water hotter than you can stand. Sit on the shower floor. The word devastated ringing the tub. Buildings collapsed into themselves. Ribs caving toward the spine. Recite the strongest poem you know. A spell against the lonely that gets you in crowds and on three hours' sleep. Wonder where the gods are now. Get up. Because death is not an alternative. Because this is what you do. Air like soup, move. Door, hallway, room, pants, socks, shoes. Sweater. Coat. Cold. Wish you were a bird. Remember you are not you, now. You are you a year from now. How does that woman walk? She is not sick or sad. Doesn't even remember today. Has been to Europe. What song is she humming? Now. Right now. That's it.

Hope dancing in stiletto heels.

I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold.

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."
--Oscar Wilde

And when you jump up the earth wants you back.

A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.

Why do you do what you do? Is it to impress those around you? Your family? Your friends? Your lover? Do you do it to make money? To live in a nice house? To buy things that can't be scratched? Or do you do it because you love it. Because it lets you finish each day with a smile on your face and a thought in your mind.

"The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you, and that you’re standing in the doorway."
--The Mountain Goats, 'Going to Georgia'

I just put on an act sometimes, and people think I'm insensitive. Really, it's like a kind of armour because I'm too sensitive. If there are two hundred people in a room and one of them doesn't like me, I've got to get out.

"But, like someone who walks alone in the dark, I decided to go slowly and to be so careful about everything that, even if I made very little progress, I would at least prevent myself from falling."
--Rene Descartes

The first few seconds everybody is looking around for someone else to step in and be the hero.

There are certain people in this universe that the stars literally move for. Most of these people don’t realize just how much conspiring goes on in the sky. But we do.

"Probably for every man there is at least one city that sooner or later turns into a girl. How well or how badly the man actually knew the girl doesn’t necessarily affect the transformation. She was there, and she was the whole city, and that’s that."
--J.D. Salinger, 'A Girl I Knew'

“Fate is like a strange unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”
--Lemony Snicket

Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

Life is easy with you here.

I believe that life is wonderful and fleeting and worth documenting.

"I laughed and said, 'Life is easy'. What I meant was, Life is easy with you here, and when you leave it will be hard again."
--Miranda July, 'Ten True Things'

She sits there, staring straight ahead, her face immobile, frozen, like a mermaid trapped in ice. “It hurts,” she says. “What, your ankle?” “Being alive. It’s like walking on knives."

I have friends on this lonely path.

And for a moment, I understand that I have friends on this lonely path; that sometimes your place is not something you find, but something you have when you need it.

"People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were too scared of being alone."
--Chuck Palahniuk, 'Survivor'

Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.

"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."
--Jodi Picoult, 'My Sister's Keeper'

My wasted heart will love you.

"With any luck, by next year - I'll be going out with one of these girls. But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because it's Christmas. And at Christmas you tell the truth. To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this."
--'Love Actually'

When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.

"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

"They reciprocated the great and saving lie—that our love for things was greater than our love for our love for things."
--Jonathan Safran Foer

"I put my hand on him. Touching him was always so important to me. It was something I lived for. I could never explain why. Little, nothing touches. My fingers against his shoulder. The outsides of our thighs touching as we squeezed together on the bus. I couldn’t explain it, but I needed it. Sometimes I imagined stitching all of our little touches together. How many hundreds if thousands of fingers brushing against each other does it take to make love? Why does anyone ever make love?"
--Jonathan safran foer

He knows her favorite yogurt. When you find a man who remembers your silly little favorites of random things - that’s the one you hold on to.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
--Chuck Klosterman, 'Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story'

Sunday, November 23, 2008

There's no "I" in team.

"You saw her and felt some hope. How cruel would it be to be shown her by chance and then be denied her, denied her because not everybody could know her, even a little."
--Elliot Perlman, 'Seven Types of Ambiguity'

"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do, " Alice hastily replied; "at least I mean what I say, that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "Why, you might just as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see!"
--'Alice in Wonderland'

"The most important thing to remember is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become."
--W.E.B Dubois

My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

I wanted the hard, disgusting, saddening, and empowering truth. The kind of truth that makes you seem like a lunatic to people. The truth that keeps you heavily dosed on some sort of narcotic so you don’t lose your sanity.

"When it turns out, I hope that it turns out the way that you dreamed."
--Okkervil River, 'Dead Faces'

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
--Abraham Lincoln

“A photo says, you were happy and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, you were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.”
--Jodi Picoult, 'My Sister's Keeper'

As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no “I” in team, but there is an “I” in pie. And there’s an “I” in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team… I don’t know what he’s talking about.

Look up. Or you'll miss all the good parts.

I just want to close my eyes, open them, and see you standing right in front of me.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

We all fall sometimes.

You’ll either make the choice yourself or the universe will make it for you. So there’s really nothing to worry about.

You spill yourself in red, blue, green, white, silver, forgetting which colour is your own. ... They're all your own. You're not losing yourself. You're finding yourself in others.

Don't swim too near the surface. The sun will burn your skin. Don't swim too near the floor. The cold will cool your heart. Float in the middle and you will be fine.

You used to eat all the chips first, while they were still warm but then you were too full to enjoy the burger. Then you ate the burger first but by the time you finished, the chips were cold. Now you eat half the chips first, then the burger, then the rest of the chips. Maybe you should stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy the meal.

You are well within your rights to stand up, interrupt everyone around you and say "This is not who I am. This is not what I want. I'm sorry, but you've mistaken me for somebody else."

I pass too close to you in a lift and you say "sorry" under your breath. What are you sorry about? The potential for human contact?

There is little either you or I can create that will ever compete with the sky.

Don't leave the party because you think there's a better party. But you'll never know unless you go.

You always write down the things you need to do, rather than the things you've already done. You've got it backwards.

I saw your face online the other day, and I had no idea who you were, but you had something about your eyes that made me click. I keep track of what you’re up to (thanks for updating so often) and I care about you, even if I’m afraid to actually say anything (I’m a little shy). Your life seems so interesting, even though you’re not a celebrity or anything. It’s just nice to watch someone else’s life from a distance, even though sometimes I wish I could get on a plane, get a job at a store near you and try and accidentally meet you somehow. I know that sounds creepy, but you deserve someone special in your life, you more than anyone else I know.

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

If you find yourself inside yourself, scratching at the edges and clawing at the walls, breathe more. Think less. Your shadow is only a shadow. And stay away from mirrors. They will only confuse you.

Random acts of kindness are the only acts of kindness worth a damn. Surprise someone today. Surprise yourself. Constantly.

An infinite amount of worlds presents an infinite amount of possibilities. Anything is not only possible, it’s probable. So right now, somewhere in the depths of space, on a planet exactly like ours, a person exactly like you stood up and learned to fly.

Trust those around you. We all share the same basic human condition. We all want. We all need. We all love. We all hurt. So trust them. Even when you’re falling. We all fall sometimes.

You were tired and weary, your eyes heavy. I’d have given anything to be able to just pick you up and carry you home. I’d have run the whole way. But I couldn’t. The sun is up and you’re still there, finishing what you started. My arms will be ready.

Believe in a god. Believe in a song. Believe in a friend. Believe in a warm bed. Believe in tomorrow. Believe in love. Believe in everything. Believe in nothing. Believe in whatever you want. But always believe in yourself.

You had this expression on your face, like you weren't quite sure you were supposed to be on Earth.

Untie yourself. Get rid of the knots. Forgive your father. Forgive your mother. Forgive your brothers. Forgive your sisters. Forgive your children. Forgive your lover. Forgive your teachers. Forgive your heroes. Forgive a late ride. Forgive cold food. Forgive working late. Forgive being 5 cents short. Forgive those who have wronged you. Forgive those who will wrong you. The last knot is always the hardest. It’s also the most important. Forgive yourself. And then you are free.

Blooming like a late night with fast cars and back seats. You mistook nature for human nature and didn’t even care.

You dreamed me one night. Now I'm dreaming you back.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars, and in the middle, you see the blue center-light pop, and everybody goes ahh..."
--Jack Kerouac, 'On The Road'

You are the luckiest person alive.

You have a roof over your head. Food in your stomach. People who know your name and use it. A blanket. A pillow. A sun that rises and sets. You are the luckiest person alive.

Slip behind. Slip over. Slip under. Slip around. Or you can spend your whole life just trying to get through.

When you're at that point, when you feel it's all pointless... It's not. The trick is to just keep doing it, that's how you succeed in the end. It's the secret to life, do anything often enough, and for long enough, and you get good at it. So keep on. Keep writing. Keep painting. Keep singing. Keep dancing. Keep fighting. Keep. On.

Live like nature. Explode slowly, day by day, from the center outwards. You won’t notice how brightly you burn or how big you’ve grown until you look back. And then you will be amazed.

There was more love in that sentence than a thousand bed time stories.

I like to think that somewhere out there, on a planet exactly like ours, two people exactly like you and me made totally different choices and that, somewhere, we're still together. That's enough for me.

I fell in love with the way you wrote. How you took the time to say exactly what you meant instead of leaving everything to those inane moments when we’d meet in the street, making strange noises with our mouths in the hope that they’d somehow convey how we felt. You and I were always better written down than standing up.

I always wanted you. Even when I had you. I could drink from you forever and never be any less thirsty than I was that first day. The day I realized how parched I'd always been.

Once, years ago, I looked up by mistake and fell into your eyes. I’m still falling. Sometimes, it feels like flying.

All your work. All your play. None of it compares to one night spent next to the warm body of someone you love. You need to learn this sooner rather than later.

You told me that there were two of me, in me. The me I pretended to be. And the real me. You asked me to guess which one you loved more. You kissed me before I could answer and in that moment, I knew.

Science and art. Washing dishes and adding numbers. Driving taxis and sailing ships. Find what you love. It doesn’t matter what it is or how much money you’ll make or what people will think of you. Just find it and hold on tightly.

You called me over when I was young and told me you wanted to see how strong I was. I was eager to impress you so I obliged. You told me to put my hand in front of my face and try to keep it there, while you tried to pull it away. I thought I was doing so well as I strained against your arm. Until you let go. And I hit myself so hard I ended up on the ground with a bleeding nose. You helped me up, after you’d finished laughing, and said “Let that be a lesson. Trust no one. Not even me.” Despite what had happened, there was more love in that sentence than a thousand bed time stories.

When hurt turns red and a piece of your heart is missing. When the cold bites deep and you’ve got that feeling like you just got out of surgery. When the only way to stay sane is to concentrate on anything else but how you feel. When you count the tiles in the ceiling. When you push the earphones closer. When the first day of winter arrives. When you remember every nuance of every word of every time. When all this happens. Embrace it. Feel every feeling. Cry every tear. Sob every sob. Because this is what it feels like to have loved.

All you need is time.

"Time travel is like visiting Paris. You can't just read the guidebook, you've got to throw yourself in. Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double, and end up kissing complete strangers."
--'Doctor Who'

What is wrong will be right. What is pain will be joy. What is sick will be healthy. What is rough will be smooth. And what is lost will be found. All you need is time.

If you don't know whether you're coming or going maybe it's time to just stop.

You are already dead in my time. But you are still here. You are the whispering wind that sends goose bumps down my spine and the sensation of water as my foot breaks the surface. You are a lover's fingers on my cheek and a drunkard’s elbow in a crowded bar. You are the grass beneath my toes and the sky above my head. So I smile. Because you are in that too.

Times will be tough like old leather and gravel roads occasionally. Times will be easy, like Sunday morning, every now and then.

Some will make a moment feel like forever. But the people who really change your life are the ones that make forever, feel like a moment.

A heart is there to make you bleed. To pass the time. To help you sleep. A heart is there to touch and feel. To mend. And to heal.

The hardest thing you will ever have to do, is wait.

Take your time and craft the things you do. Love them. Love the process. God is in the details. And you can be an artist in everything you do.

Everything that needs to happen, will happen, in the time that it takes to happen, the way it was meant to happen. You need to trust in that.

Put one in front of the other one. Focus on that and everything else will fall into place. One step at a time. You get there in the end.

If winning is getting up one more time than you fall down. If strength is more than muscle. If time teaches us patience. And knowledge gives us grace. Then we will go forward. Remembering the past. But never yearning for it. There is so much more to look forward to.

You can measure time in wrinkles, bursts of clarity and insight, warm beds, waiting in line at the bank or the distance between two kisses. It stretches and shrinks and sometimes even bends. That's why your heart will always keep better time than a clock.

I still find each day too short for all the friends I want to see.

It was quite a compliment to me, as a matter of fact, to have such a person choose me for their best friend.

It's not about the light. It's about meeting people in the tunnel.

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."
--John Burroughs

Searching for the silence.

"I mean at least with an argument, you know what's happening. Or have some idea. Silence is... it could be anything. It's just... so freaking loud."
--Sarah Dessen, 'Just Listen'

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

Remember when we used to fight over whose music we’d listen to in the car? I was too this and you were too that. And so we compromised and sat in the silence. I haven’t heard that in a while.

Your own ideas are the best ideas. Because only you can see them clearly enough to explain them to the world. Use them more often.

Spinning in infinity. Searching for the silence. You found it near the edge of here and there. On the borders of now and forever.

The conversation between your fingers and someone else’s skin. This is the most important discussion you can ever have.

The Hi-hello-how-are-you?'s. The I'm-fine-and-you?'s. The slight nod of the head. The threads that bind you to everyone else. It's coded language for a constant reassurance. "I'm alive. You're alive too."

One of the most important things another human being can give you, is something to say.

Anyone could be someone if only you looked a little closer.

No one will ever save you if no one can ever find you.

You lie in bed, staring at the ceiling and counting crows. Someone. Anyone. But anyone could be someone if only you looked a little closer.

I hope you get what you want or you want something new. I hope you appreciate how you feel now when you start to feel differently. I hope you spend your time with someone you love, even it's just you.

The wall is there because you want it to be there. It stops you because you want it to. When you're ready, it'll fade away. And reveal the dreams beyond.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Maybe tomorrow.

I pass you everyday. Our eyes meet every now and again and we nod our mutually agreeable greeting. Safely. I'd rather sweep you off your feet. Say something. Anything. To you. Take you to the top of my building and show you the stars. Dance in the moonlight. A glass of wine.

Maybe tomorrow.

Life is life.

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward."
--Rocky Balboa

Our buildings. Your car. An iPod. These things don't make us special. They are no different from a peacock's feathers or a butterfly's wings. Civilization is just a another colour on nature's pallet and our lives are flashes of light across her canvas.

You want a new life. But you take the new one you get every morning for granted.

Life is not a story. No matter how much you'd like it to be. Life is life. It can end, begin and become whatever you want it to be. Nothing is written down.

Okay so you’re out the gates and in the race and you get an education and a job and a wife and a kid and you drink and you eat and you make love when you can sometimes more than you can and you consume things like your lover and a cigarette and a drink and a bite to eat before you go to sleep and then wake up and do it again because you can and you will and that’s what’s expected of you just like they expected it of your father and his father before him and one day they’ll expect it from your kids too and then their kids will follow your over trodden footsteps into the office and get a cup of coffee and talk by the water cooler about what movies they saw last night. You need to slow down. There is more than this.

There is no place called happiness.

Or, you could just sit back and decide to enjoy life. To make do with what you have. To be happy. Right here. Right now.

There is no place called happiness. But there is a path you can travel.

You're happy. You know it. So clap your hands.

Blind George is a cat. And blind. He chases mice that aren't there and waits by a door he doesn't know is a door. When he closes his eyes, the world doesn't change. It stays the same. But George purrs. You could take a leaf out of George's book.

Walking home one day you turned and asked me what I wanted to be when I was old. I said a fireman or a policeman or something else that made sense at the time. I asked you the same question. You said “Happy.”

You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You keep me happy when the sky falls and the moon breaks. When the truth hurts and life takes. Please don't take my sunshine away.

You were meant to read these words.

"I would never admit it aloud, even to him, but I like me the way I am. Driven. Busting my ass to do everything just the right way makes me feel good about myself. Bulletproof."
--Niki Burnham, 'Sticky Fingers'

“It is so hard to be a girl and want what you have never had. To be a child and want what you cannot imagine. To look at women and think, nobody else, nobody else has ever wanted to do what I want to do. Hard to be innocent, believing yourself evil. Hard to think no on else in the history of the world wants to do this. Hard to find out that they do, but not with you. Or not in quite the way you want them to do it.”
--Dorothy Allison, 'Two or Three Things I Know for Sure'

I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words.

She liked to pretend she was a prism, like things could pass through her and be beautiful.

"Take up a cup of water from the ocean and there I am."
--Jack Kerouac

Not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. Begin anywhere.

The person who cuts you off in traffic is 9 times out of 10, your father driving your mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you.

If you really want to know something about me, you should know this: I like my music loud. I mean loud. I'm not talking the kind of loud where your parents knock on your bedroom door and ask you to turn it down. Please. That's amateur house. When I say loud, I mean you can't hear your parents knocking and the neighbors are putting a for sale sign on their house and moving to another block because they can't handle the constant noise anymore loud. You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and frizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it's exactly right.

"It's just those details -- poorly chosen clothes, slightly flawed teeth, delightful mediocrity of soul- that make a woman lively and real. The women on posters or in fashion magazines, the ones all woman nowadays try to imitate, lack charm because they're unreal, because they're merely the sum total of abstract instructions. They're not born of human bodies, but of computers."
--Milan Kundera, 'The Book of Laughter and Forgetting'

Love is pretty worthless.

Love. Words can express it well, feelings can express it better. Hard pounding motions express it best.

She was forced to consider the startling fact that the love of her life might not actually be someone with whom she could spend a lifetime.

"You're right. I shouldn't have bothered! It turns out love isn't enough after all. It doesn't make men out of animals, or turn cowards into heroes, or make spoilt little girls grow up! All things considered, love is pretty worthless. I don't see why anyone bothers with it."
--Courtney Crumrin

One morning you'll wake up and you'll think, 'how did I get here?' You'll inhale a long drag of smoke through your lungs, and before you can exhale, pictures from your life pop into your head. Behind each picture lies a story. The first picture you see will make you smile. The image will remind you of a time when you were happy. Actually happy. The kind of happy that makes you jumble your words, the kind of happy that makes your insides twist, the kind of happy that makes you use the word 'forever.' The next image that pops up shows you your lowest low. The kind of low that told you to hurt, the kind of low that makes you pull your hair and scream, the kind of low that never wants to know how long forever is. Then you'll look around you and you won’t know whether to laugh or to cry. And you'll think 'I’ve loved and I’ve hated.' And you'll realize that you wouldn’t have to hate if you never knew love.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad.

The best way to be great, is to not try to be great. Do something good for someone, without seeking their thanks or their praise and you will be rewarded with a feeling from within. Which is a thousand times better than a feeling from without.

“I’m jealous of children. I envy them," you said. I asked you why. “Because their pockets are empty. They don’t need to carry anything. No cell phones, wallets, car keys, cigarettes, lighters, iPods… you know what I mean? They’re free. As we get older, we give ourselves more and more things to worry about. To lose. Reasons to pat our pockets in a panic in case we’re missing something. A list to run through in our head before we walk out the front door. That’s why I envy children.” I nodded and finished my drink, wondering if I had my wallet with me.

"I try to make a point of being seen. Sometimes when I'm out, I'll buy a juice even though I'm not thirsty. If the store is crowded, I'll even go so far as dropping my change all over the floor, the nickels and dimes skidding in every direction. I'll get down on my knees. It's a big effort for me to get down on my knees, and an even bigger effort to get up. And yet. Maybe I look like a fool. All I want is not to die on a day when I go unseen."
--Nicole Krauss, 'The History of Love'

She wondered how big the world was, really, when you crossed it, instead of traced it with your finger on a map.

When you are feeling low, I will be there to feel you up.
--A Softer World

"I knew who I was in the morning, but I've changed a few times since then."
--'Alice In Wonderland'

Cut yourself and someone else bled, rescue another and you might save yourself.

"I am the girl who was picked last to play tag; I am the girl who laughed although she did not get the joke; I am the piece meal part of you that you pretend does not exist, except it is all I am, all of the time."
--Jodi Picoult, 'Second Glance'

Because when you don’t admit out loud that something awful has happened, who is to say it ever did?

"Abe Lincoln once said "When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad." If only it were that black and white. Sometimes, doing the right thing makes you feel anything but good. It can feel scary, uncomfortable. Because even when you make the right choices, the bad things can still happen. As much as we want them, there are no guarantees. All we can do is have faith that if we act with our heart, the things we do will one day make us feel right."
--'Men In Trees'

"Sometimes people are beautiful not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are."
--Markus Zusak

Life is only worth as much as you sacrifice to live it.

And it's hard and it hurts and it takes knowledge you don't have but will when you're finished. And you learn that you really are brave and that you really are strong and that you really can survive.

Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart’s in it, and live the phrase “sky’s the limit.”

Life is only worth as much as you sacrifice to live it.

Ultimately, though, it's living people that frighten me the most. It's always seemed to me that nothing could be scarier than a person, because as dreadful as places can be, they're still just places; and no matter how awful ghosts might seem, they're just dead people. I always thought that the most terrifying things anyone could ever think up were the things living people came up with.

Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have and should have.

All love is, is love.

In this life, there are two things that I would love to believe. One, that there is one soul mate meant for everyone. And two, that I may be good enough to deserve that person.

"I like to imagine the first time she leaned in to kiss that stranger, how she must have felt herself falling for him, or perhaps simply away from her lonliness, and it's like some tiny nothing that sets off a natural disaster halfway across the world, only this was the opposite of disaster, how by accident she saved me with that thoughtless act of grace, and she knew, and how that, too, is part of the history of love."
--Nicole Krauss, 'The History of Love'

It's the fear of falling in love and the tears after losing the feelings of what you thought love was.

But love is none of these things. It won't suddenly make every day okay. It won't change who you are. It won't make your car go faster. It doesn't even wash your dishes. All love is, is love. And that's all it needs to be, really.

On the scales of desire your absence weighs more than someone else's presence.

Sometimes what we wish for actually comes true.

All quotes from 'The Tenth Circle' by Jodi Picoult

It wasn't what you didn't know about the people you loved that would shock you; it was what you didn't want to admit about yourself.

Some people, they get down in a hole so deep they can't figure out what to hold on to. And some people, make the choice to let go.

She could remember who she used to be... that picture was like an image sealed into a snow globe, one that went fuzzy when she shook it too hard, but then if she held her breath, might see clearly. She could look down at herself now and tell you how surprised she was that she had come this distance, how strange it was to discover that lying came as easily as breathing. What she couldn't put into words was what had happened in between to change her from one person into the other.

She hadn't been looking to ruin his life. She'd only wanted a way to salvage her own.

How did you tell someone that you weren't the person he thought you were? And more importantly, how did you tell him that you'd meant the things you'd said, when everything else about you turned out to be a lie?

Trixie didn't know what was going to happen to her tomorrow, much less after that. But she found that in spite of everything that had happened, she still had the capacity to pretend, to think her future might be something it never actually would.

There are some people who hit your life so hard, they left a stain on your future.

It was no coincidence that fear could move a person to extremes, just seamlessly as love. They were the conjoined twins of emotion: If you didn't know what was at stake to lose, you have nothing to fight for.

Sometimes what we wish for actually comes true. And sometimes that's the very worst thing that can happen.

Life could take on any number of shapes while you were busy fighting your own demons. But if you were changing at the same rate as the person beside you, nothing else really mattered. You became each other's constant.

There should have been a tenth circle, a tiny spot the size of the head of a pin, with room for infinite masses. It would be overcrowded with professors who hid in ivory-covered towers instead of facing their broken families. With little girls who had grown up overnight. With husbands who didn't speak of their past but instead poured it out onto a blank white page. With women who pretended they could be the wife of one & the lover of another & keep the two selves distinct. With anyone who told himself he was living the perfect life, despite all evidence to the contrary.

People would question if I was a vampire or just artsy.

All quotes from 'The Orphaned Anything's' by Stephen Christian

I think that it is amazing that the English language is one of the only languages that has a sole word for "love". I envisage it is a word that is overly battered in our society. How can you tell your dad/mom/relative that you love them, and then within the same hour say "I love your new clothing", or "don't you just love that album?" Are we not stating that this thought/feeling called love can be attributed to both someone we deeply care about and also a resplendent looking inanimate object.

I think people should wait until they have observed the 'behind the scenes', and made sure the other person has truly proven that they are not a mere actor. For if "all the world is a stage," then love & lust are the inspiration for each and every individual performance.

I contemplated on writing several books, maybe words on a piece of paper will encourage someone to remember my name.

I started out painting. I had huge dreams that I would move to some amazing loft apartment near Capital Hill. I would paint all day, magnificent works, blaring Radiohead, screwing all night. I would never talk and I would wear all black, and people would question if I was a vampire or just artsy.

Maybe I want to do this. It feels like this place is giving me a second chance, like New Years Eve, like a passing grade. Like grace.

Please remember that life is good. Regardless of circumstances, regardless of oppression or depression, regardless of what might happen tomorrow, or what happened last night, or what will happen tonight... life is good.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's not supposed to be like this.

All quotes from 'The Truth About Forever' by Sarah Dessen

Doesn’t it seem sometimes like the whole damn world’s uphill?

But this was just one chance to vary and see where it took me. The fireflies were probably already out: maybe it wasn’t just a season or a time but a whole world I’d forgotten. I’d never know until I stepped into it. So I did.

And that was it. All this buildup to a great leap, and I didn’t fall or fly. Instead I found myself back on the edge of the cliff, blinking, wondering if I’d ever jumped at all. It's not supposed to be like this.

When he first put his arms around me, it was tentative, like maybe he expected I’d pull away. When I didn’t, he moved in closer, his hands smoothing over my shoulders. I let him pull me against him, pressing my head against his chest, where I could feel his heart beating, steady and true. This was what you were supposed to do. And it happened all the time.

I’d tried to hold myself apart, showing only what I wanted, doling out bits and pieces of who I was. But that only works for so long. Eventually, even the smallest fragments can’t help but make a whole.

I knew that anything could happen here. It might be too late, I might have missed my chance. But I would at least know I had tried, that I took my heart and extended my hand, whatever the outcome.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Life is yours to miss.

Forget regret or life is yours to miss.

"It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."
--'American Beauty'

"She was a girl who could not wait. Life was so interesting she had to find out what happened next."
--Beverly Cleary, 'Ramona The Pest'

You can survive life. It's easy, just keep breathing and eating and sleeping. But living life? That requires much more. Things like loving and laughing and dancing and believing. Are you prepared to do that?

"It seemed that moment would last forever. That you had to risk your life for love. You had to get at the edge of life to ever be saved."
--Chuck Pahlunuik, 'Choke'

"...the way you can go back and review the worst of your life anytime you want. Because supposedly, those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it."
--Chuck Pahlunuik, 'Choke'

They hide behind the "security" of books or computers or music, because they would rather feel life than have to live it. They would prefer to hide from people, because people hurt, leave, betray, let down, and intimidate. They prefer silence over noise, awkwardness over perfection, and honesty over lies.

Monday, November 10, 2008

It's the loneliest feeling in the world to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down.

"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction--every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour."
--Sylvia Plath, 'The Bell Jar'

It's the loneliest feeling in the world to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say, "What's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps, shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away.

It was something else. What? I don't know, exactly. She seemed to be inside something, inside herself, as if all that beauty had been made in her as this big hall full of chandeliers and marble fireplaces--beautiful but empty. And she'd been dropped down in the middle of it and had spent too many years wandering around in it, her footsteps just echoing inside herself, wondering if anyone else was there, wondering how she'd got there, telling herself that if she had to be alone in there, at least she had interesting things to look at. Only she didn't want to be alone in there, and since she was never going to find her way out, someone would have to find his way in. I knew all of that, and it took about ten seconds to figure it out. And it took another ten to figure out that I wanted to be the one to push open those heavy doors and wander those empty halls calling her name until I found her. But how do you do that when you aren't really in a great hall but only a bookstore, and you don't even know her name, and your gum has made your lips turn green?

I fancy myself Wonder Woman.

"The problem, as I see it, is that a sad percentage of gorgeous women just settle for being gorgeous. They get to sixteen, go, 'Well, I'm gorgeous, people like me, that's it,' and just stop. I mean, they've got nothing on the girls who struggle onward with zits and bad dates, the girls who fight life every step of the way so by the time they're twenty they're funny and smart and cynical and utterly, utterly desirable. That's what I like."
--Maxx Barry, 'Syrup'

It was the kind of memory that had the bittersweet taste of unfinished business.

"I was beginning to see, though, that the unknown wasn't always the greatest thing to fear. The people who knew you best can be riskier, because the words they say & the things they think have the potential to be not only scary but true, as well."
--Sarah Dessen, 'Just Listen'

"I just feel like I'm never gonna have it. The whole package, you know? That person--that couple life. And I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but I really want it. The whole package."
--'Gilmore Girls'

And when you're on the street, depending on the street, I bet you are definitely in the top three good-looking girls on the street.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
--Henry Ford

"We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are."

"If you want to look at my feet, say so," said the young man. "But don't be a God-damned sneak about it."
--J.D. Salinger

"Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world -- no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe."
--Neil Gaiman, 'The Sandman'

You know more than you think you do just as you know less than you'd like to.

You could patch up whatever was broken but if you were the one who fixed it, you'd always know in your heart where the fault lines lay.

I said I love that boy.

All this indecision, all this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe.
--Gavin DeGraw

"I want you to be the first and the second and the third and the last."
--'Second Helpings'

The things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one.

I said I love that boy, like a rabbit loves to run.

I wish I hadn't known of you until I was seventy years old, because then I could have waited for you my whole life.

There are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.

Let's just get to the end of this, because maybe that's where it will begin. Let's fast forward through the moths swarming in my stomach and skip to the butterflies.

1. The path is not straight.
2. Mistakes need not be fatal.
3. People are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. Be gentle with your parents.
5. Never stop doing what you care most about.
6. Learn to use a semicolon.
7. You will find love.
--Marion Winik

Girls were really women in disguise.

All quotes by author Jeffrey Eugenides

"Biology gives you a brain. Life turns it into a mind."

"We felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind active and dreamy, and how you ended up knowing which colors went together. We knew that the girls were our twins, that we all existed in space like animals with identical skins, and that they knew everything about us though we couldn’t fathom them at all. We knew, finally, that the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."
--'The Virgin Suicides'

"She held herself very straight, like Audrey Hepburn, whom all women idolize and men never think about."
--'The Virgin Suicides'

"I live my own life and nurse my own wounds. It's not the best way to live. But it's the way I am. "

"No reason to mention my peculiarities, my wandering in the maze these many years, shut away from sight. And from love, too."

Saturday, November 08, 2008

So, this is the beginning of happiness.

I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself. So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me that it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

"You spend so much time trying to prove how superior you are that you've forgotton how to live. You obsess over all the wrong things, refuse to let anybody see inside you, and then you can't figure out why you're not happy."
--Susan Elizabeth Phillips, 'Match Me If You Can'

Maybe one day she'll say that she's happy enough.

There are worse things than being alone.

She started to isolate herself, because it hurt less than being pushed away.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.

"There are worse things than being alone, but it often takes decades to realize this and often when you do it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late."
--Charles Bukowski

I thought I had something important to say.

For a second there, I thought I had something important to say.

I got some jumbled up thoughts in my jumbled up head. I keep stumbling around on some jumbled up legs. I keep grumbling out some jumbled up text.

She didn't say much but she said it loud.

I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough, it'll make sense.

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it true? Does it improve the silence?

My tiara is giving me a headache.

I'm like freakin' Cinderella whose fairy godmother never showed up.

Girl, you keep talkin', but you ain't sayin' nothin'.

My tiara is giving me a headache.

Explain to me again why I need a man.

We call it living the dream.

Until now, in spite of everything, I had welcomed each new day as though it were a new life, where all past failures and problems were erased, and all future possibilities and joys open and available, to be achieved probably before night fell again. Now, in this winter of snow and crutches, I began to know that each morning reasserted the problems of the night before, that sleep suspended all but changed nothing, that you couldn't make yourself over between dawn and dusk.

It was like having it this close to your dreams, and then watching them brush past you, like a stranger in the crowd. At the time you don't think much of it. You know, we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought "Well, there'll be other days." I didn't realize that that was the only day.

When all this actual life played out, where the hell on Earth was I? I rack my brains but it won't come.

The real struggle is about you. You, a person who has to learn to live in the real world, to inhabit her own skin, to know her own heart, to stop waiting for her life to begin.

We're just loving and laughing and busting our asses and we call it living the dream.

I can resist anything but temptation.

It seems to me, the problems you worry yourself sick about never materialize. It's the ones that catch you unexpectedly on a Wednesday afternoon that knock you sideways.

Lisa: I wish I were creative.
Jeff: You are. You're great at creating difficult situations.
--'Rear Window'

To walk, we have to lean forward, lose our balance, and begin to fall. We let go constantly of the previous stability, falling all the time, trusting that we will find a succession of new stabilities with each step.

I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen but as the years wasted on nothing ever did unless I caused it.

She's just wandering around the house looking real sad and she keeps on sighing as though she's real bored and doesn't know what to do next.

If you must win no matter what, cheat.

I can resist anything but temptation.

I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute.

"It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing."

When you really love something, then it loves you back.

What I mean is, I love winter, and when you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love.

A person is never as quiet or unrestrained as they seem. Or as good, as bad, as vulnerable, as strong, or as sweet. We are thickly layered, page by page, behind simple covers. And love--it is not in the book itself, but the binding. It can either rip us apart or hold us together.

The one thing that my heart requires is that you admire me.

I know I love you like the million times I never said.

It is scary though, that moment you decide that you're going to quit fighting the feeling. Quit avoiding the issue. When you give in and you let him love you and you let yourself love him. And yeah, it's not going to be perfect everyday, but everyday is damn near perfect.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

You're no longer dreaming of flying.

"You wonder whether your swing could flip over the metal bar at the top, swing you all the way around, and throw you to the ground, bruised and broken. When you were a kid, you thought it could happen--but you weren't afraid. All grown up, you know it can't happen--but you're filled with fear. You swing slower, instead of pumping for the sky. You don't jump off-- you slow yourself to a stop. You'd never fling yourself into the air midswing, because you're no longer dreaming of flying. You're just worrying about how you're going to land."
--Robert Wasserman, 'Envy'

It's good to see somebody so in love.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an ever better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone. I know a thing or two about having someone like that.

The bartender said, "Can you believe it, man, some guys have all the luck." But in a cold old world so full of pain & heartache, it's good to see somebody so in love.

And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. This weird, comfortable silence. What the hell was it? It was like the world stopped turning in that instant, like everyone around us was wiped out. Like everything at home was forgotten about. It was like those few minutes on this world were created just for us and all we could do was look at each other. It was like he was seeing my face for the very first time. He looked confused, but kind of amused. Exactly how I felt. Because I was sitting with my best friend, and that was my best friend's face and nose and eyes and lips, but they seemed different. So, who was this man that was sending my heart into a frenzy? So I kissed him. I seized the moment and I kissed him.

Life will throw you curve balls.

"Sometimes I forget to remember how really wonderful life can be. So I'm trying not to do that anymore."
--'One Tree Hill'

"Granted, life will throw you curve balls. Sometimes you nail a home run, sometimes you nail a line drive, sometimes you nail the pitcher right back and sometimes you swing, miss and fall flat on your face. Me? I've never been good at baseball."
--Arminda Meer

Change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant.

I think life likes to do that every now and again. Every so often it likes to dip and when you feel like you can't take anymore it smoothes out again.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Je ne sais quoi

Find a place to stand and move the world.

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."
--Oscar Wilde

"When you had to do something, you had to do it. And eventually, if you were lucky, you did it well."
--Sarah Dessen, 'The Truth About Forever'

"Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience, then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch your breath."
--'Simon Birch'

"I wonder whether you can tell me why it is that people always try so hard to hide their real feelings? How is it that I always behave quite differently from what I should in other people's company?"
--'Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl'

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go."
--Abraham Lincoln

"The only thing around you that you can possibly change is yourself, so you start there."
--Ellen Burstyn

"What women need to understand is that when a man considers a woman to be a prize, looks have very little to do with it."
--Sherry Argov, 'Why Men Love Bitches'

"He pursued you; therefore, he finds you attractive. An understated demeanor and a confident attitude will convince him you're gorgeous."
--Sherry Argov, 'Why Men Love Bitches'

Je ne sais quoi is a sexy devil-may-care attitude. Not only isn't the bitch needy of him, she often isn't focused on him.

"One of the most important things about a man is that he should be kind--kind of tall, kind of handsome, kind of rich."
--Mary Ellen Lowe

He told me, "If I had a nickle for everytime I saw a girl like you, I'd have five cents."

This is all life really means.

"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life."
--Oscar Wilde

The average person spends 5 years of their lifetime waiting.

"We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected."
--Ben Okri

"Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, 'til the sun goes down. And this is all life really means."
--Robert Louis Stevenson

You have to begin to lose your memory, if only in bits and pieces, to realize that memory is what makes our lives. Life without memory is no life at all, just as an intelligence without the possibility of expression is not really an intelligence. Our memory is our coherence, our reason, our feeling, even our action. Without it, we are nothing.

Women are made to be loved.

"He's right, I'm afraid. There's a part of me that wants to let him in but then I feel myself put up this wall and I don't understand why. Maybe that's what strikes me most about him, that despite everything he's suffered he can still look at life in the most uncomplicated way. I've never known that kind of faith. It makes me so sad that people who have lost everything can still be open to love, while I, who's lost nothing, can not."
--'Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants'

Because she loves herself, the bitch doesn't want anyone who doesn't want her.

"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man."
--Miranda Ingram

"Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."
--'He's Just Not That Into You'

I love you. Probably more than I should, probably more than my heart can take, and probably more than you can imagine.

Love is a thing on sale for more money than there exists.

"Women are made to be loved, not understood."
--Oscar Wilde

Monday, November 03, 2008

Autumn is the hardest season.

Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are falling and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground and the trees are naked and lonely. I keep trying to tell them new leaves will come around in the spring but you can't tell trees those things, they're like me they just stand there and don't listen.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

If love were an animal, it would probably be the Loch Ness Monster. If it didn't exist, that didn't matter. People made models of it, put it in the water, and took photos. The hoax of it was good enough. The idea of it. Though some people feared it, wished it would just go away, had their lives insured against being eaten alive by it.

The next thing I knew, I was kissing her all over.

All quotes from 'The Catcher In The Rye' by J.D. Salinger

She wasn't exactly the type that drove you mad with desire. She was a pretty nice girl, though.

What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse.

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go.

I think if you don't really like a girl, you shouldn't horse around with her at all, and if you do like her, then you're supposed to like her face, and if you like her face, you ought to be careful about doing crumby stuff to it, like squirting water all over it. It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes.

There isn't any night club in the world you can sit in for a long time unless you can at least buy some liquor and get drunk. Or unless you're with some girl that really knocks you out.

Then she really started to cry, and the next thing I knew, I was kissing her all over.

I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody.

This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started.