Saturday, November 08, 2008

We call it living the dream.

Until now, in spite of everything, I had welcomed each new day as though it were a new life, where all past failures and problems were erased, and all future possibilities and joys open and available, to be achieved probably before night fell again. Now, in this winter of snow and crutches, I began to know that each morning reasserted the problems of the night before, that sleep suspended all but changed nothing, that you couldn't make yourself over between dawn and dusk.

It was like having it this close to your dreams, and then watching them brush past you, like a stranger in the crowd. At the time you don't think much of it. You know, we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought "Well, there'll be other days." I didn't realize that that was the only day.

When all this actual life played out, where the hell on Earth was I? I rack my brains but it won't come.

The real struggle is about you. You, a person who has to learn to live in the real world, to inhabit her own skin, to know her own heart, to stop waiting for her life to begin.

We're just loving and laughing and busting our asses and we call it living the dream.

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