Wednesday, October 29, 2008

She's used up all her words.

"I couldn't find the word for what I felt. It is clearly not true that without language there is no thought. I possessed a thought, a feeling, a sensation, and I was looking for its word."
-Ian McEwan, 'Enduring Love'

In an effort to get people to look into each other's eyes more, and also to appease the mutes, the government has decided to allot each person exactly one hundred and sixty-seven words, per day. When the phone rings, I put it in to my ear without saying hello. In the restaurant I point at chicken noodle soup. I am adjusting well to the new way. Late at night, I call my long distance lover, proudly say I only used fifty-nine today. I saved the rest for you. When she doesn't respond, I know she's used up all her words, so I slowly whisper I love you thirty-two and a third times. After that, we just sit on the line and listen to each other breathe.

Journeys end in lovers meeting.

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."
--Emily Bronte, 'Wuthering Heights'

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said, "love is blind." Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that, I am an expert.
--'The Holiday'

I still believe that this heart of mine will learn to love.

Love has always had a plan for you. That doesn't mean you get to know what it is.

I'll continue to love you as long as there is something to love.

Your heart is a strange little orange to peel.

"When you're in love you don't have to do a damn thing. You can just be. You can just stay quiet in the world. You don't have to move an inch."
--Charles Baxter, 'Feast of Love'

My life is about to change.

"It's like the people who believe they'll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but who learn it doesn't work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you."
--Neil Gaiman, 'The Graveyard Book'

Oh, empty my heart. I've got to make room for this feeling. It's so much bigger than me. My life is about to change.

It was alright. Not wonderful, not perfect. Just alright. And on some days, that's all you need. Sometimes you just need to wake up on the right side of the bed. Some days you just need to not spill coffee on your clothes. You need to miss a red light or two.

Every little piece of your life will add up to one.

The music would run down my legs.

I love staring at people sitting at a stop light, even though it may seem rude, you can learn a lot about people within that ten second range that you're with them. Their confidence, or lack of it, shines through at that very moment they realize you're looking at them, for they can either look away or they can stare right back at you & hold that gaze until the light changes green.

"I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around--nobody big, I mean--except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff--I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."
--J.D. Saliner, 'The Catcher in the Rye'

"What goes on in people's minds? Everyone thinks writers must know more about what goes on in the human head, but that is wrong. They know less, that's why they write. Trying to find out what everyone else takes for granted."
--Margaret Atwood, 'Lives of the Poets'

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
--Anne Frank

Instead of singing in the shower I would write out the lyrics of my favorite songs, the ink would turn the water blue or red or green, and the music would run down my legs.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox.

Like a cliche ending to a movie or some cheesy book you're reading, she's the girl that ends up with the guy. It doesn't matter exactly who she is, they're all the same. The girl who wins in the end. Watching the movie or reading the book, you picture yourself as the girl coming out on top. The one who wins his heart, gets the dream job, and lives happily ever after. You think, "One day, that will be me." But what happens to the girl that doesn't end up with the guy, loses the job, and lives every day wondering what she did wrong? Where does she end up? Does she ever find love? Does she ever learn where in life she belongs? And more to the point, what do you do when you find out you're that girl?

The infinite possibilites each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox.

We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.

"There are worse things than looking stupid. Sleeping through life is one of them."
--Laura Preble

"Life's greatest comfort is being able to look over your shoulder and see people worse off, waiting in line behind you."

"Some people are just born human. The rest of us, we take a lifetime to get there."
--Chuck Palahniuk

The kisses alone don't work.

>"How are you?"
>>"I am whatever you need me to be."

You have a serious problem of distorting reality. You could sleep with the entire planet and still feel rejected.

"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible."
--Elizabeth Wurtzel

"I wish I knew what men wanted. They seem to love an independent woman until they lose control of her."
--Dita Von Teese

"There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work."
--Anais Nin

They say learn from your mistakes. That’s not always the case. I see them and I understand how I made them again and again.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter--like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled, 'I'm glad you asked.'

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I love twinkies.

"Dear friends, I love twinkies. And the reason I am saying this is because we're all supposed to think of reasons to live."
--'The Perks of Being A Wallflower'

"When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong -- or absolutely right."
--Albert Guinon

"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world."
--J.D. Salinger, 'The Catcher In The Rye'

"He never comprehended the desperation in her dazzling, permanent smile, the terror in the brightness with which she faced the world, or the reasons why she hid when she couldn't manage to beam."
--'The Satonic Verses'

"One of the nice things about looking at a bear is that you know it spends 100 percent of every minute of every day being a bear. It doesn't strive to become a better bear. It doesn't go to sleep thinking, "I wasn't really a very good bear today". They are just 100 percent bear, whereas human beings feel we're not 100 percent human, that we're always letting ourselves down. We're constantly striving towards something, to some fulfillment."
--Stephen Fry

That's me. I'm fast. I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics.

Confidence is the inner voice that says you're becoming what you're capable of being.

After laughter, one should feel full, but empty as one feels after fireworks.

The sky looks like it's falling, but that's only because you're about to fly.

Maybe vertigo isn't the feel of falling, but the desire to jump.

Monday, October 20, 2008

You are beautiful.

Anticipation leads to heartbeats, heartbeats lead to hope.

And then my soul saw you and it kind of went "Oh there you are. I've been looking for you."

My heart keeps telling me hold my breath. You'll never learn a thing if you bail out now.

Wait. But don't wait too long. Work hard. But don't forget how to play. Sing loudly. But don't learn all the words. Wonder. But not so much that you lose yourself. Read magazines. But read more books. Love.

And when I put my arms around him, I felt the blushing blood run through my cheeks and an eeriness surrounded when his tongue began to speak and said, "You are beautiful."

This is how it works: You're young until you're not. You love until you don't. You try until you can't. You laugh until you cry. You cry until you laugh. And everyone must breathe until their dying breath. No, this is how it works: You peer inside yourself. You take the things you like and try to love the things you took. And you take that love you made and stick it into someone else's heart. Pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed. But even if it does, you just do it all again.

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.

Live interestingly.

You spend your whole life looking for answers. Because you think the next answer would change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out of questions, you just don't run out of answers, you run out of hope.

Take the long way home. It's harder but you'll be a better person for it. Live interestingly.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
--Mary Sliver

"It's a nice day to start again."
--Billy Idol

Personal note: I have preferred to know less and less about more and more.

Everything passes. Everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.

If you take just one tiny thing out of your past, I believe it will change the position of everything else so I try not to have any regrets in life.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The truest thing you will ever read.

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends. That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly.

That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be.
That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever.

That rain is beautiful.
And so are you.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

"I held hands with her all the time, for instance. That doesn't sound like much, I realize, but she was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddamn hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was different. We'd get into a goddamn movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were."
--'The Catcher In The Rye'

I'm only looking at you.

"I am a person that has high highs and low lows," she says, slowly. "You know, I am always growing emotionally and I'm very aware of everything that I go through and that I experience personally. I'm always learning something about myself, whether it's a good or a bad thing, that I need to work on. A lot of things make me sad. Sometimes it's almost easier to be sad. But you do end up finding a balance and I think that as I get older I am learning what I can do for myself to make me happy."

Always behave like a duck. Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like hell underwater.

"For instance, I've seen that you're one of maybe three people in the world that likes pizza flavored chips. You're also the only person that I've seen spend more time on the roof of her house than in her actual house, or what you do when you're reading books, not US weekly, but you are reading substantial books. You also do this's like an OCD thing, but it's not. Whenever you are leaving your room, you grab the doorknob and you are ready to leave, but you don't and you back up, turn, and stare at yourself. It's not like an "I'm so hot" stare, it's more like a "who am I really?" and it's just so cool. Then when you look out your window. You dont look at people, you look at the world and you try to figure out and understand the world and why it's not in order like your books, but I'm only looking at you."

"It's better to be looked over then over looked."
--Mae West

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call ever truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."
--Friedrich Nietzsche

"The edge: there is no honest way to explain it, because the only people who really know where it is are the one who have gone over. The others, the living, are the ones who push their control as far as they felt they could handle it and then pulled back or slowed down. But the edge is still out there."
--Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

When you need someone else to survive, you'll never be able to.

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?

"That's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."
--'The Great Gatsby'

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.

I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.

We roll down the windows and sing at the top of our lungs. Neither of us can carry a tune, so we let the tune carry us instead.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

They say on a good night it seemed as though he could fly.

All quotes from 'One Tree Hill'

As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things that we think will make our lives better--money, popularity, fame--we ignore what truly matter, the simple things like friendship, family, love--the things we probably already had.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. The artists, and the scientists, and the poets...none of them fit in at seventeen. You're supposed to get past it. Adults, they see kids killing kids and they know its a tragedy because they used to be those kids. The bullies and the beaten and the loners. You're supposed to get past it. You're supposed to live long enough to take it back. Just take it all back.

Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate but losing your reason for the journey is a fade more cruel.

And once you lose yourself you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.

Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

You're way too young to believe its not gonna be okay.

-Do you think maybe, I mean, just maybe he's had a change of heart?
--That requires a heart.

Okay guy in need of a clue, here's one: women send signals. That was a brush off. Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit, let me paint us a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening: You are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home, and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me isn't interested in you.

Maybe you could find her in the phone book. Look under "w" for whore. But wait, she's not that smart so look under "h".

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared; some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day; others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good; and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people. Six billion souls. And sometimes all you need is one.

Quentin Fields was a basketball player. He was also a son. A brother. Somebody’s teammate. Somebody’s friend. I never knew Quentin Fields and I guess now I never will. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore? If you were suddenly gone how would your world react? Whatever you imagined was wrong. There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields but I’m jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can.

Life doesn't have a purpose unless you let it.

She'd been waiting her whole life for someone to ask her who she was.

"My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened."

"We could have a life, we two. Maybe not like you remember. Maybe not like I imagined. But we could get by."
--'Sweeney Todd'

Life is the ability to feel so happy, you think your insides are going to explode. It's being so upset or disappointed, you feel as if your stomach just dropped ten feet out of place. It's running so hard, you can barely breathe. It's the feeling of panic when you know you've been caught doing something wrong. It's having that sudden rush before you kiss someone you care about. It's opening your eyes and feeling them sting because you spent the whole night crying. It's letting people go because new ones come in, and all the while realizing that life doesn't have a purpose unless you let it.

The heart is as silent as a fish.

I have never had anybody talk to me like this before. This is not a flirty sixth-grade phone call or bantering with friends or words passed in a note. I feel that if my soul could talk it would talk like this.

Is it because they are so comfortable, they already know what the other is thinking? Or is it because after a certain point, there is simply nothing left to say?

"Words were useless. At times, they might sound wonderful, but they let you down the moment you really needed them. You could never find the right words, never, and where would you look for them? The heart is as silent as a fish, however much the tongue tries to give it a voice."
--Cornelia Funke, 'Inkspell'

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I wanted it all and that's what I got

All random lyrics

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her

Girls do what they want
Boys do what they can

And I hope you have more luck with this than me

The longer you think, the less you know what to do

You know I still adore you
But in a different kind of way
You know I still adore you
But things have gotten vague

Just take me back to the start
When your earthquake was just cracks
You must ask yourself everyday
Just how high are the highs

I believe in anything that brings you back home to me

Half the distance
Half the motion
It's easy as the ocean

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone

She'll lead you down a path, there'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough, so you know she's really there
And she'll look at you and smile, and her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want, where everything you need
Will always stay a million miles away

The girl I was with a business degree probably wouldn't recognize me
I was gonna run the bank, I was gonna run the math
Now all I wanna run is a bubble bath
Back then, you know, I had this plan before all this reality set in
Here comes life, boy, ready or not
Hey, I wanted it all and that's what I got

Everything is a diary.

"She believed in dreams all right, but she also believed in doing something about them. When Prince Charming didn't come along, she went over to the palace and got him."
--Walt Disney

"You don't drown by falling into water, you drown by staying there."
--Nathan Morgan

"And then finally, your throat seals shut as you realize you've made a mistake that you will never be able to fix."
--Jodi Picoult, 'The Tenth Circle'

"I'd forgotten that I don't get involved because the pain just isn't worth it. All that flattery and attention distracted me from any pain that might have been lurking around the corner, but of course the pain got me in the end. It always does."
--Jane Green, 'Bookends'

“You can spend your whole life thinking you want commitment. You grow up with a clear idea of exactly what it is that you want, and yet when you have it, when it's there, attainable, on your doorstep, you change your mind. Perhaps this is what we need: a dream, a hope for the future, something to aspire to, and perhaps we need to keep replacing this dream with something a little bigger, because when we manage to fulfill the dream, we usually find out that it's not what we wanted in the first place, or if it is, it doesn't feel the way we always thought it should. Sometimes, if you're very mixed up, very stupid, or very thoughtless, you screw up the dream just as you get it. You tell yourself you don't deserve it, and you have to start all over again.”
--Jane Green

Your handwriting, the way you talk. Which pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.

"There are two kinds of women; those you write poems about, and those you don't."
--Jeffrey McDaniel, 'The Benjamin Franklin of Monogamy'

A woman is measured by the things she cannot control.

"I hate women who complain about being fat when they're like a size 5. Anything under size 5 isn't a woman. It's a boy with breasts."
--Laurell K. Hamilton, 'Obsidian Butterfly'

A woman is measured by the things she cannot control. By the way her body curves, or doesn't. By where she is flat, straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36. Inches, age, and numbers. By all the outside things that never measure up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control. By who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every woman knows, measurements are statistics...and statistics lie.

"Eating greens is a special treat, It makes long ears and great big feet. But it sure is awful stuff to eat."

"It makes me sad when I think about it, to hate my body that much."
--Marya Hornbacher, 'Wasted'

I spent the largest part of everyday thinking about what I wanted to eat that I shouldn't and what I should eat that I didn't.

Love deliberately.

I could've found someone to give my love to, but I've been waiting for you.

"Faint hearts never won fair lady."
--'Peter Pan'

Love. It's out there. So don't give up.

Whether it's love or lust or infatuation, they are all powerful and they consume our hearts and our heads. The fear of being hurt keeps us from experiencing life's greatest heights that provide us with the most fulfilling views. Funny, most of the above didn't last and I'm still alive. I'm still running and writing and working and laughing and living and, most importantly, loving. I'm still alive. After being crushed and kicked this little heart has kept working. Just. Like. Yours. Love deliberately.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Love is so fickle.

All lyrics by Regina Spektor

I'm twenty years of clean
And I never truly hated anyone or anything

Every morning I wake up
With a purpose and a smirk

Come on bartender,
Won't you be more tender?

Love will be the death of me
Love is so fickle
It starts with a flood
And it ends with a trickle

Don't tell your secrets to anyone
Because ideas are vulnerable
As soon as you say your idea out loud
Then it can go and live on it's own
And you will miss it oh so much
And you will wait for it's return
And you will wish it were your own
But ideas that left never come back home

The consonants and vowels
The consequence of sounds
Got a soundtrack in my mind
All the time

You're not a day too soon.

All lyrics by Sia

Deep sea pearl diving
Constantly uwinding
Emotional hiding
Effortlessly shining
Beautiful calm driving

We've accepted and we've laid blame
We've felt separate and we've felt the same

I am a dash and you are a dot
When will you see that I am all that you've got?

I'm greater than X and lesser than Y
So why is it that I still can't catch your eye?

And if I am a number, I'm infinity plus one
And you are five words, you are afraid to be the one
And if you are a number, you're infinity plus one
And if I am four words then I am needing of your love

Careful not to crush me in those hungry hands
Careful not to rush me into this fine romance

I've been running all my life
I ran away from good
I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day too soon

Honey, I will stitch you
Darling, I will fit you in my heart
Honey, I will meet you
Darling, I will keep you in my heart

To tell you the truth, I can't believe I love you so much

He says, "Girl, it's your call,
You wanna fly, you wanna fall?"
So I shout, "I wanna get away from you as fast as I can"
I tell my feet to move it, I hope they have a plan

Your smile I keep on file

You tickle me pink
I love the way you think

He greets the stranger meekly, a thing that she accepts
She sees him waiting often with chocolate on the steps
He senses she is lonely, she's glad they finally met
They take each other's hands, walk into the sunset

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I'm the bravest girl you'll ever meet.

"You make yourself strong because it’s expected of you. You become confident because someone beside you is unsure. You turn into the person others need you to be."
--Jodi Picoult, 'Vanishing Acts'

Whenever a memory pops in your head, you always have to wonder, how many more times will I be able to remember that again? Will I ever remember that again? How many times can you revisit a memory?

She fooled everyone into thinking she's so strong but she still sleeps with the light on.

Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes
Because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving good-bye

"You see, I'm the bravest girl you'll ever meet. And yet, I shrink down to nothing at the thought of someone really seeing me."
--Marie Digby, 'Unfold'


I can't sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head. I've wept on every birthday I've ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time. The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in. This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world.

Life was boring.

All quotes from 'Hard Love' by Ellen Wittlinger

"I am immune to emotion. I have been ever since I can remember. Which is helpful when people appeal to my sympathy. I don't seem to have any."

"[She] lays her life out for people to see, like she loves the weird way she is, and if you had any sense you would too."

"...talking about how life was boring, but you weren't supposed to admit it."

"...but I hated talking to people on the phone. Nobody ever sounded right when you couldn't see them, when you were connected by the magic of fiber optic cables. They either sounded fake happy, like they were so excited you called, or they grunted and grumbled as if they'd have to go get Prozac if you intended to talk much longer."

The truth is I've always been a fool.

I'm not worried about life, it's arriving right on time.

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
--Albert Schweitzer

You don't appreciate the chaos and absurdity of life on this planet. You don't understand irony, or ethnicity, or eccentricity, or poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block. I love that.

"The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well."
--Alfred Alder

There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
--Maya Angelou

It's easy to be cynical. Especially today, when it looks like all our heroes are crooks, our role models frauds. Every now and again, however, when you least expect it, the real thing comes along: someone who can find the heart inside the cynic and give those who hold nothing sacred something to believe in. It's not always easy telling the good from the bad, even if you do get tomorrow's paper today. Why, is why. Sometimes, to find the answers, you have to look in your heart.

Rock bottom is good solid ground and a dead end street is just another place to turn around.

We think there is always a tomorrow, so why expose our feelings today? Why risk being vulnerable? Why take the chance? Because today, what we love, what we feel, what is real, is what we have. Tomorrow, it may all change.

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all floating around accidental-like on a breeze but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."
--'Forrest Gump'

I guess if you don't jump, you'll never know if you can fly.

She photographs well. That’s the thing about beautiful people.

You're not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.

Just because we hit the floor doesn't mean we're not still falling.

If you've got a problem with me then obviously something is wrong with you.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

You never knew it before, but you know now.

All quotes from 'Leftovers' by Laura Wiess

"And while we're talking about being used and abused, you should know that there are some things you tell and some things you handle by yourself, the best you can. You can't always rat and still hope to be saved when somebody does you wrong. The backlash will dog you 'till you die. Or 'till you wish you were dead."

"Never let them know you're vulnerable, especially when you are. Never trust someone else to protect you, and never forget that every choice you make is on you. Ignorance of the outcome doesn't exempt you from the consequences."

"You start keeping your opinions to yourself because they might be dumb and you hate yourself for doing it, but it seems safter to blend in than stand out. And yet you want to be noticed, but only by being same-but-different, and nothing about that confuses you."

"Time is not your friend. It doesn't care if you live fast or die slow, if you are or if you aren't. It was here before you arrived and will go on after you leave. Time doesn't care who wins or who loses, if your life span is full or empty, honorable or shameful. Time is indifferent. It simply doesn't give a shit. You never knew it before, but you know now."

"You told us once not to be in such a hurry to grow up, but I don't see any way we could have avoided it. There was always someone out there ready to carve away another piece of our innocence. I don't know why. Maybe because theirs was already gone and they couldn't stand the sight of our ignorant happiness. That's what innocence is, you know, a blissful oblivion of what's coming, of what you'll lose and what you'll gain, and what kind of person you'll grow up to be."

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I guess I should have been more specific.

"People are always asking me what I'm going to do with my life. I feel like I'm already doing it, that this is my life. But I don't tell them that. It'll just disappoint them."
--Brian Strause, 'Maybe A Miracle'

"All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific."
--Jane Wagner

Yesterday I knew nothing. Today, I know that.

Sometimes I wish that you could just hit the sack and never wake up. If your favorite song never ended, or your best book never closed, if the emotions mustered from these things would just go on and on, who wouldn't want to stay asleep? The guy who discovers that perpetual dream, he's my man.

"Don't matter how much money you got, there's only two kinds of people: there's saved people and there's lost people. "
--Bob Dylan

You can pay for school but you can't buy class.

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

Why are stars so enormous? How are we ever to catch them! Even if we held hands and stretch our arms widely, we still wouldn't catch him. I guess it's better off this way, it means we'll always hold hands, right?

Why can we plant kisses without soil or water? Can we sleep on a flower bed?

The reasons I'm alone I know by heart.

"If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, I might not be alone."
--Gin Blossoms

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
--Joseph F. Newton

If I think about it for too long, I really start to beat myself up.

I suppose it is all right if no one ever thinks of me because I'll always think of them, enough for the both of us.

The reasons I'm alone I know by heart, but I don't wanna spend forever in the dark.
--Josh Turner, 'Another Try'

I really do love you.

"I love you madly, irrationally, infinitely."
--'Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago'

I really do love you. It’s the damnedest thing.

"Let the things you love be your escape."
--'Dawson's Creek'

"You don't believe in love, so it just follows logic you wouldn't believe in like, either. Or friendship or anything that might involve even the smallest personal risk."
--Sarah Dessen, 'This Lullaby'

"Yes, losing your hearts desire is tragic, but gaining your hearts desire is all you can hope for."
--'One Tree Hill'

So little to say

Among my most prized possessions are words I have never spoken.

God, it was so hard to turn off the noise in her mind. Even when she didn't want to, she over thought everything.

I have this theory that the more important and intimate the emotion, the fewer the words are required to express it. For instance, in dating, "Will you go out with me?" Six words. "I think I care for you." Five words. "You matter to me." Four words. "I love you." Three words. "Marry me." Two words. So what's left? What's the most important and intimate word you can ever say to somebody? It's "Goodbye."

So little to say, but so much time
Despite my empty mouth, the words are in my mind

I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth &finally say that it's always been me

Monday, October 06, 2008

October gave a party.

"The foliage has been losing its freshness through the month of August, and here and there a yellow leaf shows itself like the first gray hair amidst the locks of a beauty who has seen one season too many."
--Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."
--Albert Camus

"Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter."
--Carol Bishop Hipps

"October gave a party;
The leaves by hundreds came -
The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,
And leaves of every name.
The Sunshine spread a carpet,
And everything was grand,
Miss Weather led the dancing,
Professor Wind the band."
--George Cooper, 'October's Party'

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

All quotes by comedian Demetri Martin

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of - it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. ‘Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. ‘Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.’

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were, you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?!?’ ‘B-batteries!!!’ And D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’