Friday, February 13, 2009

That nameless empty.

"He was the toast to her butter."
--Nicholas Sparks, 'The Lucky One'

"And when her lips meet mine, I feel a strange tingling I have never felt before, and suddenly a miracle, and I discover a forgotten paradise, unchanged all this time, ageless like the stars. I feel the warmth of her body, and I allow myself to slip away. I close my eyes and become a mighty ship in churning waters, strong and fearless, and she is my sails."
--Nicholas Sparks, 'The Notebook'

"Love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime."
--Nicholas Sparks

"There I went again, building up a glamorous picture of a man would would love me passionately the minute he met me, and all out of a few prosy nothings."
--Sylvia Plath

"Suddenly I realize that this is what I've been waiting for - a man who depends entirely on me... I dreamed for years of a man who couldn't live without me, a man who pictured my face when he closed his eyes, who loved me when I was a mess in the morning and when dinner was late and even when I overloaded the washing machine and burned out the motor. My son stares up at me as if I can do no wrong. I have always wanted someone who treats me the way he does; I just didn't know that I'd have to give birth to him."
--Jodi Picoult, Harvesting the Heart'

"Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame."

What do I know about love? Not much— that’s the safe answer. Even when I think I have a grasp on it, something comes along to make me realize I don’t know anything at all. It’s just a concept to me. It’s the thing that all the songs are written about, the thing that makes smart people act stupidly. If I can make love a concept, it makes me a better observer. And it also leaves a place inside of me hollow. Sometimes I can actually feel it. To reach down inside that part— I wonder how it would feel, to touch a void. That nameless empty.

And it was through falling flat-on-my-butt in love with him that I realized the most important thing about first love: as deep as it is for you at the time, it's only a teaser for even more amazing things to come. And whether first love ends dramatically or hurtfully or simply, eventually all the emotional fog surrounding it clears and we can see that first love is so special because it's one of the few experiences in life when we follow only our heart - not reason, not 'rules', not what other people say. Maybe that's why we all hold on to our first love in some way - why we miss it or long for it, want to reclaim or redo it. Because first love opens our eyes to that feeling that everyone has been talking about, singing about, writing about. It makes you feel like you've crossed over from not knowing to knowing. With first love, everything is new and the possibilities it awakens in you are exhilarating.

"And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something I can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on. And I know it's around me somewhere, but I just can't feel it."
--Elizabeth Wurtzel

She's great. I mean she's... she's smart. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's a big ol' scaredy cat. If you creep up behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. Um, she's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from her even if the truth hurts. She's stubborn. We fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really good friend. And loyal to a fault, she's... she believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so I mean, it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. God, if she goes away I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she's my best friend, you know? She's... she's
more than that... she's everything.

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