She would never be happy and honest at the same time.

"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."
--Jonathan Safran Foer

Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time.

"With freedom, flowers, books, and the moon, who could not be perfectly happy?"
--Oscar Wilde