Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Home is where they catch you when you fall.

But as for today all I want is to be home.

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort."
--Jane Austen

Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall.

I think what you notice most when you haven't been home in a while is how much the trees have grown around your memories.

Before you decide what you want to be, know where you want to be.

I never realize how much I like being home until I've been somewhere totally different for awhile.

"Who needs a map when there's only one passable road to the future? When you're headed in the only direction that makes any sense to you at all? You don't need a map to find your home."
--Jill A. Davis

What happened to us, you know? I don't know who I am anymore or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I wanna have a home again, you know? And real friends. You know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that, and I miss you. I guess I just miss all of it.

In a world where most things were a clutter, having a peaceful home was vital to her sanity. It was her refuge, her nest, where she could hide from the problems outside her door. At least in her home she was in control, there, unlike in the rest of her life, she allowed in only those whom she wanted, she could decide how long they should stay, and where in her home they could be. Not like a heart, which let people in without permission, held them in a special place she never had any say in, and then yearned for them to remain there longer than planned.

Andrew: "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, that idea of home is gone..."
Sam: "I still feel at home in my house."
Andrew: "You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
--'Garden State'

What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless.

I watched my mother do what she did best, and realized there would never be a way to cut myself from her entirely. No matter how strong or weak I was, she was a part of me, as crucial as my own heart. I would never be strong enough, in all my life, to do without her.

"All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
--Leo Tolstoy

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