Wednesday, September 08, 2010

you told me god was a patch of the galaxy

you mouthed the words “i love you” from the door way and we were lost in everyone else’s noise. but sometimes the noise says more than the words ever could. i was young enough once to trust the world and old enough to know that i shouldn’t. i followed you out into the front yard where nobody would find us. we were november criminals. we were quiet and free, a wild fire caught in between a priority and a possibility. we used to break the afternoons in half, fill the gaps with cigarettes and broken-in words. tell the other this was love this is love this has got to be love because we’re desperate and we’re young, because this wine was cheap and this song is good, because we’re lonely and cold and the stars are just bones like us looking for some warmth. but that’s what happens. our lives get caught, the people in them leave blind spots on who we used to be. and i know that we’ve all had something opaque and lonely. i know we build things up in our heads based on some loose reality and leave the rest to our dreams. i know i won’t always be this nineteen year old harmless thing. with fidgeting thoughts, with sleepy eyes, with this quiet charm that pulls people in moments before i’m walking the other way. i like to think that one day i won’t see every moment as some meaningless preamble to something so much greater. and in the dark of your own bedroom your friend told me that we only look at people through the lens of our own fears and triumphs and it’s hard to see a person when we’re manipulating them to be these reflections of who we think we are and who we think we should be. and i’m careful and quiet but my feelings are just as loud as yours, just as out of control as yours, just as shape-shifting, heavy and encrypting. and i take chances, i take risks, the only way i’ve ever loved is on a whim. but i’m always lost in everyone else’s noise.
--Ashli Wood

No comments: