Sunday, August 17, 2008

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

All quotes from 'Prozac Nation' by Elizabeth Wurtzel

"This is it. This is the pain you've been waiting for all your life. Heartbreak straight up."

"Sometimes, I get so consumed by depression that it is hard to believe that the whole world doesn't stop & suffer with me."

"When you're happy, there's so much you can do, but when you're sad, all you can do is sit around & be miserable, paralyzed by despair."

"There are two kinds of dysfunctional families: those who don't talk enough & those who talk too much."

"He sat down beside me, turned my face around, & gave me some version of a kiss. More like he gagged me with his tongue."

"I love the apartment so much that I sometimes just want to roll around on the hardwood floors with rapt delight."

"I would have to schedule all my activities around other people. I would always leave things I enjoyed early or stay somewhere miserable late because I needed to go with my ride. I could never just run home for five minutes to change clothes or grab something the way someone with a car could, so I had to plan my days carefully."

"When I got back into bed, I laughed to myself a little bit, & then I just thought, this is crazy. What's happening to me? I've got all this energy, & not a damn thing to do with it."

"Somehow, I had this moment of truth, & I felt certain that I didn't want this, didn't want to live this life, had to get out of there right then. So I pulled my hands away from his fly, pulled my shirt back on, & started to run, but the thing was, I couldn't run anywhere. I had to call a taxi first. & I thought to myself, you know, this sucks. It sucks when you can't make a clean get-away."

"No one could ever have imagined that as a child I was completely convinced that I could do anything on earth I wanted to."

"I was an astronaut who was going to fly so high, so far beyond the moon, so far beyond the whole wide world -- but then I never had to worry about a crash landing because I never even took off."

"He asks me a lot of questions about myself & my life, & being someone who just loves to talk, especially about my problems, I think it is mostly a lot of fun."

"I had, indeed, metamorphosed into this nihilistic, unhappy girl. I felt that I was wrong. My hair was wrong, my face was wrong, my personality was wrong. My god, my choice of flavors at Haagen-Dazs shop after school was wrong!"

"Whatever the reason, somehow I found myself, the girl who was scared of drugs because a mind is a terrible thing to waste, wanting to be wasted all the time."

"At heart, I have always been a coper, I've mostly been able to walk around with my wounds safely hidden, & I've always stored up my deep depressive episodes for weeks off when there was time to have an abbreviated version of a complete breakdown. But in the end, I'd be able to get up & go on with it, could always do what little must be done to scratch by."

"I'd fall asleep in the bathtub & lie awake all night in bed."

"I know I can do so much more than this, I know that I could be a life force, could love with a heart full of soul, could feel with the power that flies men to the moon. I know that if I could just get out from under this depression, there is so much I could do besides cry in front of the TV on a Saturday night."

"And that's how it is for me with everything. Nothing is real to me unless it's right in front of me."

"Plenty of people prefer to think that until you are actually flying out of a window, you don’t have a problem."

"The tears come down, not like rain, but like blows."

"Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I'm always missing someone or someplace or something, I'm always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing."

"I am the girl who needs to go home."

"We are such extensions of each other, my mother & I, so much two pieces of the same being, that everything that’s hers is mine."

"'So all I was to you was a way to have fun?' I asked. 'Yes, that’s right,' he said. 'Be careful of your heart.'"

"What I wouldn’t do just to be able to play frisbee or walk to lecture halls laughing & holding hands, being somebody’s baby."

"I felt like a girl heading out for a first date with her dream boy, creating a mental agenda of potential conversation ideas just in case, heaven forbid, there was any kind of lag."

"There were no boys & no booze to blame for this downer, so it was probably just my fate."

"I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off & your heart turns on."

"I've got it all worked out: everything is going to be just fine."

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