magnetics

this is all i’ve ever known. a nervous mix of commas and spaces, sometimes words but mostly moments and faces. and the way i can’t help but love helplessly and desperate. and how can i show you? how can i show you what it’s like being here on the other end of this invisible dotted line? with all of these moments fermenting in a place without reasons and apologies, feeling things that might not mean anything after we’re gone, trying to call them unconditional in a place that’s temporary. this is hard. the stakes are high and our bets are weak, so are we playing it safe or playing for keeps? all i know is this fucking clumsy infatuation, this careful fascination. and you said i was mysterious and evasive. you told me to find you when i was ready to give life a shot and it left me broken hearted. you thought it was because i didn’t know if i ever would be, and i knew it was because you really believed i never was. i know you think you know me. like all i have are soft-spoken experiences, like i was an idealist left broken-spirited. well you can count your loud and pounding, your ever-lasting and astounding. you think i’m scared and predictable. and maybe i am. maybe you were right. because i didn’t kiss you when i would have liked to, and i didn’t dance when you wanted to, and i don’t like to get my hair wet in the rain. but you’re not so brave, you’re not so reckless. you’re lonely too. i love whole-heartedly and you love sporadically. you take risks and aren’t afraid to kiss strangers and laugh when you want to and that’s beautiful - but you think it’s sad that i’m selective about what moments i want to experience before i let them slip past me. the kind of moments that you’ll always miss. the kind of moments you’ll always forget. and i think it’s sad that you’ll never get that i’m doing the same thing as you. loving everything fully. and i may love them quiet, but i love them dead-on. i love them soul for soul, word for word, comma for comma. and what about you? the stakes are high and your bets are weak.

so who’s playing it safe and who’s playing for keeps?
--Ashli Wood